penny for my thoughts

Why hello there Tumblr, long time no contact. It has been a rough week, but I think I’m better for it. Also pretty grateful for the amazing women I have the pleasure of confiding in & walking with. Hopefully not everybody will end up in Norcal and make it super difficult to see their beautiful faces in the future. I thought I might post this song here so I can continue being reminded of its message. And hey, a couple years later, this song still means as much to me now as it did when I first heard it. :)

Side note: I like wearing my man’s jacket because his wonderful smell envelopes me & makes me giddy. This is especially good when we are working in separate locations. I don’t care if you judge me. Man smell good.

Today when I checked my email, I saw one that I was ready to delete without even opening. I don’t know why, but I decided to open it. Well, it contained a pretty cool story and it made me want to be fat and orange. I love how God blesses me in these little ways.

This is the story:

“What is it like to be a Christian? It is like being a pumpkin. God picks you from the patch, brings you in, and washes all the dirt off of you. Then he cuts the top and scoops out all the yucky stuff. He removes the seeds of doubt, hate, greed, etc., and then he carves you a new smiling face and puts his light to shine for the world to see.”

Jesus, I want to be your pumpkin. Even though it’s one of my most disliked foods.

I don’t think there is ever a pain quite like the one you feel when your heart is breaking for someone you care about. You want to take away their pain, but you can’t. You want to comfort them, but no words are enough. You sit there helplessly, wishing there was something you could do…but all you can do is trust that God will take care of them. Bah. There it is again. Trust. So annoying. But I guess this is something I’ve been needing to learn. We’ll see how that goes. Take care of the people I care about, God. Please.

Lately, it seems like God is relentlessly reiterating the importance of letting go, and letting Him take over. I think in the chaos that is my life, the stress and anxiety has been building because I’ve been fighting to have that control over everything in every aspect of my life. But that’s not how it’s supposed to be. I remembered when I first realized that my life was a gift. A gift from God, and so I thought that the only sensible thing to do was to give it back to God. Live out my life for Him. Wow I did NOT know it would be so hard. That I’d pretty much be a poop a lot of the time. I never thought I was a control freak until now. Or that I had so much trouble trusting. ALKDJFLSDJ This is so not coherent. Mind is too jumbled. Maybe I should not tumble as much…D:

I came home after a really really good (albeit somewhat lazy) day with some fantastic people to see that I had some mail. One envelope in particular stood out, since I wasn’t really expecting anything. Well, apparently I have a really really REALLY amazing friend who goes above and beyond what friends do. I’ve never received a birthday gift (no matter how belated) of this caliber. My first thought was “ALKDFJLKFJK I CAN’T ACCEPT THIS!!!” But then even if I tried, my friend won’t take it back and I’m not sure how I could even give it back without offending anyone. GAH. I feel so frustrated yet so loved at the same time. I didn’t think this was possible. Ah you wait, you. I’ll get you back one day. Spoil your future kids like crazy. :)