penny for my thoughts

#1Facewatch changing lives!!!

Tue, 04 Dec 2012 18:13:57 -0800

#1Facewatch changing lives!!!

For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will...

Thu, 14 Jun 2012 08:48:15 -0700

For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. - Isaiah 41:13

I will not let fear paralyze me. God is with me. I have the most amazing and supportive friends. :)

P.S. God’s holding my hand!?

Why hello there Tumblr, long time no contact. It has been a...

Fri, 25 May 2012 16:43:10 -0700

Why hello there Tumblr, long time no contact. It has been a rough week, but I think I’m better for it. Also pretty grateful for the amazing women I have the pleasure of confiding in & walking with. Hopefully not everybody will end up in Norcal and make it super difficult to see their beautiful faces in the future. I thought I might post this song here so I can continue being reminded of its message. And hey, a couple years later, this song still means as much to me now as it did when I first heard it. :)

Side note: I like wearing my man’s jacket because his wonderful smell envelopes me & makes me giddy. This is especially good when we are working in separate locations. I don’t care if you judge me. Man smell good.

Pumpkins

Tue, 01 Nov 2011 09:54:34 -0700

Today when I checked my email, I saw one that I was ready to delete without even opening. I don’t know why, but I decided to open it. Well, it contained a pretty cool story and it made me want to be fat and orange. I love how God blesses me in these little ways.

This is the story:

“What is it like to be a Christian? It is like being a pumpkin. God picks you from the patch, brings you in, and washes all the dirt off of you. Then he cuts the top and scoops out all the yucky stuff. He removes the seeds of doubt, hate, greed, etc., and then he carves you a new smiling face and puts his light to shine for the world to see.”

Jesus, I want to be your pumpkin. Even though it’s one of my most disliked foods.

I don’t think there is ever a pain quite like the one you feel when your heart is breaking for...

Sat, 25 Jun 2011 13:37:27 -0700

I don’t think there is ever a pain quite like the one you feel when your heart is breaking for someone you care about. You want to take away their pain, but you can’t. You want to comfort them, but no words are enough. You sit there helplessly, wishing there was something you could do…but all you can do is trust that God will take care of them. Bah. There it is again. Trust. So annoying. But I guess this is something I’ve been needing to learn. We’ll see how that goes. Take care of the people I care about, God. Please.

Lately, it seems like God is relentlessly reiterating the...

Wed, 22 Jun 2011 01:41:54 -0700

Lately, it seems like God is relentlessly reiterating the importance of letting go, and letting Him take over. I think in the chaos that is my life, the stress and anxiety has been building because I’ve been fighting to have that control over everything in every aspect of my life. But that’s not how it’s supposed to be. I remembered when I first realized that my life was a gift. A gift from God, and so I thought that the only sensible thing to do was to give it back to God. Live out my life for Him. Wow I did NOT know it would be so hard. That I’d pretty much be a poop a lot of the time. I never thought I was a control freak until now. Or that I had so much trouble trusting. ALKDJFLSDJ This is so not coherent. Mind is too jumbled. Maybe I should not tumble as much…D:

Mrrf

Thu, 09 Jun 2011 01:53:25 -0700

I came home after a really really good (albeit somewhat lazy) day with some fantastic people to see that I had some mail. One envelope in particular stood out, since I wasn’t really expecting anything. Well, apparently I have a really really REALLY amazing friend who goes above and beyond what friends do. I’ve never received a birthday gift (no matter how belated) of this caliber. My first thought was “ALKDFJLKFJK I CAN’T ACCEPT THIS!!!” But then even if I tried, my friend won’t take it back and I’m not sure how I could even give it back without offending anyone. GAH. I feel so frustrated yet so loved at the same time. I didn’t think this was possible. Ah you wait, you. I’ll get you back one day. Spoil your future kids like crazy. :)

Funny how I come across songs that are able to express...

Mon, 16 May 2011 22:43:12 -0700

Funny how I come across songs that are able to express everything I feel at just the right time…especially when I can’t seem to find the words to express myself.

Today really sucked. Gravity, you really suck, you know that?

I can’t believe that it has been 10 years since I first...

Wed, 04 May 2011 02:14:00 -0700

Bryant 哥哥

Jon 哥哥

<3 these two!

2 reasons why I love coming home :)

I can’t believe that it has been 10 years since I first set foot in a church. And throughout that decade, I’ve struggled, stumbled, fallen, ran away, and so many other things. But I’ve also learned to embrace all of the pains and understand that through it all, He is growing me so much more as a person, as His child, and as a woman of God.

3 things really stuck out to me today. The first one was when Josh called me to talk to me about what I had been struggling with coming back from Mexico. I was so angry when I came home, angry that there was so much brokenness and corruption in Mexico City, but I couldn’t just snap my fingers and make it all go away. I was already working through it, realizing that in this broken world, we are always going to be faced with struggles, but God is right there with us, suffering and His heart breaking a gajillion times more than we are. And Josh reminded me today that even amidst all the brokenness that we see, there is still such a light, and so much beauty. I don’t think I can explain it quite as well as he did to me (because I don’t have very good command over the English language), but I know that as he was talking to me, one phrase kept on flashing across my mind: Beauty in the broken. I think after that conversation, I finally was able to begin to understand what that meant. I think I’m still a ways from fully comprehending it though. The other 2 were verses that really hit home for me at this season in my life. Jen shared 2 Cor. 1:3-7 with me in the afternoon as I was updating her about life this past month. I think verses 4 and 5 definitely stuck out to me a bit more. But then again, that is just me. And I think I will save some of my findings for my journal which I’ve kind of neglected these past few weeks… The other is one that Jon shared, which Bryant pretty much quoted right off the bat. James 1:2-8 is what they touched on, but verse 2 was the one that really popped. “Consider it PURE JOY, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds.” WHO SAYS THAT!? Consider it pure joy, when you struggle, when you are angry, when you are frustrated, when you are lost, when you are bawling because you are so discouraged. But then you go into verse 3, which says “because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.” OH. Hot diggity dog. THAT’S why I had to go through all of that crap. I don’t think I can understand this passage in its entirety yet, but I think as I continue trudging through this gift of life God has given me, I will be able to comprehends its full meaning more and more with each step forward.

SO NOW ONTO WHY I REALLY STARTED THIS POST. I got sidetracked by 3 things that really stuck out to me today, but I guess it’s good that I’m writing this now since I don’t know when is the next time I will be able to journal. D: Anyways, I realized that I’ve made so many lasting friendships that have impacted me in a plethora of ways. Today started out as average as a day can be when you’re skipping class to go home to Norcal…and it turned into a day full of meaningful conversation that I wouldn’t have traded for a day of classes and hangouts in Irvine. Not saying that I don’t have meaningful conversation in Irvine, but there is a reason why I’m home right now. Besides the reasons I originally came home for… Anyways, I digress. Bryant and Jon are two people I’ve known for pretty much almost 10 years now, even though I didn’t start growing closer to them until high school. And these are people I’ve looked up to but I don’t think I’ve ever had as meaningful a conversation as I remembered today. Today, I truly remembered that I have older brothers (BROTHERS. Not just one!) looking out for me, people who are there to listen and can relate. The night went from watching The Voice (a new show where judges judge people based on their voice and then they compete from there…look it up because I am too lazy to explain it) to helping me with homework to watching really random stuff on the Jay Leno show to talking about our futures and all the uncertainty that came with it.

I felt so blessed that they shared their experiences with me and at the same time, they encouraged me and were willing to sacrifice sleep to talk to me. I felt like lately I’ve been so despondent in so many aspects of my life, but talking to them gave me a new perspective on things and it also gave me the oomph I needed to get my ish done.

Man, yet AGAIN God’s timing is so utterly perfect. At a time when I was almost ready to throw in the towel and say that I can’t, He gives me just what I need to say, “Si, se puede!” Yes, I also know I am a dork, but nobody reads this anyways so I will just heartily laugh at myself. Woot.

Maybe I will tumble more. Hmm…we will see. Okay I should probably get back to the homework I’ve been neglecting so that I can pass my classes and graduate college! :O Peace out, tumblr. Until the next homework assignment (maybe) haha

Who is this King of Glory?

Sat, 12 Mar 2011 03:06:11 -0800

Who is this King of Glory that pursues me with His love?

This song came on the radio today as I was driving home from work, and it really made me think. I am a pretty messed up person, but who is this King of Glory that continuously pursues me and showers me with love and blessings? I used to have such a skewed perception of what love was. I believed that I had to do in order to receive love. I needed to do things for the people I loved in order for them to love me back. But my thinking was so wrong! God loves me. All of me. Just as I am. Even when I am running in the wrong direction, when I run away from Him, He still pursues me! WHAT THE CRAZYYY!!??? Who is this King of glory? He’s everything to me! :D

All the heavens cannot hold you Lord, how much less to dwell in me? I can only make my one desire: Holding on to Thee.

Restoration

Thu, 27 Jan 2011 05:36:04 -0800

Restoration:

Studying is not going well right now…even though my midterm is in less than 12 hours…so I guess it’s finally time to post on what’s been on my heart these past few months.

Coming back from retreat, I realized that there was so much brokenness I was trying to bury within me. I was trying so hard to run away from everything in my past that God was telling me I needed to face. Life has been such a struggle. Every day, doubts and feelings of unworthiness fill my mind. How can such a wonderful God love someone as damaged as me? I feared that people would see me as I saw myself, someone too broken beyond repair. And I would try to hide in my jam-packed schedule. Yes, I knew how much He has done for me just within these past 8-9 months, but at the same time, I couldn’t see myself as a beloved child of God. I can proclaim His greatness, and worship until I have heart bursting with love for my Father. And yet, I couldn’t see myself as He saw me. I couldn’t love myself as He loved me.

As I was sharing some of my pains with one of my sisters at retreat, she said to me, “Becca, God has already forgiven you, why can’t you forgive yourself?” And for these past 2 weeks, that question has been eating away at me. When I really searched within me for the answer, I realized that I can’t forgive myself because I deemed my past as unforgivable. But who am I to judge? I’m not God. And yet I can’t just so easily let go of what I’ve done. And on top of my inability to stop beating myself up, feelings of insecurity and unworthiness are still within reach. The feeling that I’m replaceable and easily forgotten still haunt me. This is pretty much like a double whammy.

People normally don’t see this side of me. I try to keep it well hidden. I don’t want people to see my weaknesses and failures. And yet, more and more, God’s been calling me to reveal my true self, in all my flaws and imperfections. Because of this, I am able to grow so much closer with so many of the women in my life. Whether it’s in Edge or with friends back home. Men, I’m not hatin’, but I think I cry better with women. God has so strategically placed an abundance of amazing people in my life, so that as I heal and as I struggle with my past, I am able to lean on them for support. I am so incredibly thankful for that! I am trying to take baby steps forward, day by day, unable to fully fathom the love that God has for me. And every time it is needed, He places someone in my life who is able to remind me of the truth that I sometimes forget.

I think this road of restoration is going to be really long and difficult. And there are already many obstacles that have piled up in front of me. But I will endure. Not hopefully, I WILL. But for now, as I procrastinate, I just wanted to share what’s been going on with me with….the few of you who read this. So listen to the song!

This verse has been on my mind for the past few days…2 Cor. 12:9-10

9But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Now that I’ve said my piece, I guess it’s back to my failed attempt at studying….oy.

At top of the world, Jen on my back, and we’re both...

Fri, 09 Jul 2010 23:59:00 -0700

At top of the world, Jen on my back, and we’re both looking out at the city below us. :] Such peaceful times, I wish they could last forever…

What Faith Can Do by Kutless

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it’s more than you can take
But you’re stronger, stronger than you know
Don’t you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard
Impossible is not a word
It’s just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody’s scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It’ll be alright
Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

This song and its lyrics has been so crucial…it made a world of difference last night as I was a bit down in the dumps about some of the stuff that has happened. But hearing those words, it was like God telling me things are gonna be okay, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. He’s molding me into something more than I can see right now, and if I keep my faith in Him, He will do more with my life than I could have ever done on my own. Thanks Jen and Bekah and Deanna for our talks and for being my sisters :]

“Sometimes you have to lose everything to gain...

Sun, 27 Jun 2010 17:41:00 -0700

“Sometimes you have to lose everything to gain something” - Deanna Ngo

On Friday, Deanna, Christina and I went up to Monterey Park to pick up Lauren (Pocky) so we could go have a day together in Santa Monica before Pocky left for Japan. Even though it wasn’t really a fully planned out day, it was pretty amazing. Just spending a day with these 3 sisters laughing about anything and everything, sharing a funnel cake with melted frozen yogurt, devouring 1.5 pounds of shrimp, and standing in the freezing cold together was better than I could have imagined our day to have been.

This picture was taken at the Santa Monica pier. I don’t know why, but I love it. You can’t even see our faces, but just all of us, facing the same direction, arms around each others shoulders, just brings a giant smile to my face. And add to that the fact that we unknowingly did the AT&T bar! :D It feels like what I felt like I had lost 2 months ago was a blessing in disguise, because now I see what I have gained. These sisters who are there for me, who would go on a 1.5 hour drive with me to walk around and shop and eat and get tubbers and go on adventures are sooo amazing! I can’t even put into words how thankful I am that I’ve met each and every one of them. :] Just seeing you guys makes my day!

The ride home, talking with Deanna and Christina really opened my eyes to some of the things I was pondering myself. And what Deanna said (that I quoted up top) seemed to make a whole ton of sense, because I feel like I pretty much just lived out that quote! Anyways, this post is for you guys even though Deanna’s the only one with a tumblr. I love you! :]

“Satan wants us to think our past is fixable. God wants us to know our past is...

Sat, 19 Jun 2010 14:26:26 -0700

“Satan wants us to think our past is fixable. God wants us to know our past is forgivable.”

This was taken from this article that Andrew Cheng put up. http://stuffchristianslike.net/2010/06/two-f-words/ I was really glad I read this today because I myself am someone who tries to fix things. I feel like a Martha a majority of the time (Luke 10:38-42) and this has been something I’ve always struggled with. But recently, I’ve been learning to just once again sit at His feet and listen to His teachings with my heart instead of doing with my hands. And this article just reminded me of how God forgives. This is something I already know, but somehow this article just really struck my heart, because recently I’ve been struggling with this forgiveness aspect. Even after reading this, I still struggle, but I am able to understand more and I know that with God beside me, I will know that I am forgiven, and I will be able to forgive as He forgave me.

So incredibly blessed

Thu, 17 Jun 2010 14:41:51 -0700

This is copied from my fb notes section :D

These past 2 months has been quite a journey, and in this short time, I’ve learned so much and I’ve formed many new friendships and rekindled old ones. I don’t think there has ever been a time when I valued my friends and sisters more. From my small group Pita & Hummus taking me in and providing me with the sisterhood I needed to late night talks with friends to discovering such delicious food in Irvine that I never knew existed! You guys are simply amazing and you’ve made these past 2 months so incredibly fun and enjoyable.

Friends from high school and earlier, thanks for taking me back even after I’ve pushed you away. Thanks for all your support and care and being so fantastic! You are some of the most amazing people I’ve ever met and I love you all deeply. I have absolutely loved coming home and visiting other schools and seeing everybody/catching up/hanging out.

I don’t think words can describe how much I appreciate you all and how blessed I feel to be able to call you all my friends and to be able to call many of you my brothers and sisters too :] There are so many of you that have impacted my life and have been there for me every step of the way, I’m just still so taken aback by how incredibly blessed I really am.

I think I’ve already talked to most of you and we’ve caught up or you’ve heard my story, and I’ve actually heard a lot of yours too :D I’m happy to know that we will be great friends and that whatever struggles we may have in our lives, we can always depend on each other for love and support :]

This is the story of the incredibly blessed Becca. Now I’m out. Peace. :D

Today after the Rock Harbor service, God really put it on my...

Mon, 07 Jun 2010 00:54:12 -0700

Today after the Rock Harbor service, God really put it on my heart to sponsor a child. Along with Jaime Ta, Tiffany Arendon, Crystal Luu, and Hanna Kim, we will be sponsoring a 12 year old orphan named K. Gopi Raju for a year. I wanted to do it for World Vision at Newsong, but I started going the Sunday after everyone already did it, and I didn’t really have the money to sponsor a child all on my own. But God opened another door and through this, he touched all five of our lives as well as little Gopi Raju. :] I will be praying for him that he grows to see how much God loves him and that he knows that God provides, we just have to trust in Him.